So this past week was a very emotional one for me. My youngest daughter has been giving me a very hard time, and threatening to move out if she doesn't get her own way. As some of you know, my oldest daughter did the same thing except she wasn't bluffing and did move out at the age of 15. I almost went crazy with worry and it has taken the last 3 years for us to establish our relationship again...we are now closer than ever. You would think I would be utterly devastated that my youngest daughter would even think to put me through the same garbage her sister did, especially since she watched how it effected me. But I am not...and I feel guilty about that.
I love my youngest daughter the same amount as I love my oldest. Its not that. Its that I can now see the Greed.... this wanting something for nothing syndrome that has taken over our children, and I don't like it. Kids think everything should be given to them. That they are above working hard for anything...and certainly not giving back to society!!!
I am not proud of the fact that this has happened to my children. I always thought I had done a good job at instilling certain values in them. It has made me come to the realization that it is not their failure...but my own.
So as I stated before, this past week has been an emotional one as I have had to come to grips with my own parental skills... or lack of them. It is true that I had alot of things against me when I became a parent....18yrs old, their father was a deadbeat, in an abusive relationship, etc. I also realise how far I have come...BUT...it wasn't easy. I had to work hard, do things that most people would not do or could not do. I worked from 9am to 9pm. Before and after work I usually had to walk 3 miles to get to work or home. Then I had to bath the kids, put them to bed, make their lunches, clean the house, do laundry, lay out their stuff for the morning and then go to bed about 1 am. then I would wake up at 6am get the kids fed, dressed, off to school or babysitters, shower, and then walk to work and start the cycle over again. I did this 6 days a week until I moved in with my husband. I went without eating to make sure my kids had food alot of the time. I could have went on welfare but chose not to as I did not want my kids growing up thinking that was normal. I wanted them to see that working for something was what got you ahead, not relying on others for your survival. That you were in charge of your own destiny.
I know people have had it much worse than I ever have, and I am not writing this for sympathy. My point is that if my children were put in this situation, I have doubts that they would work hard to get ahead. They would take the easy way out. This really upsets me. Of course I do not expect them to have to go through the stuff I did, I am just saying that kids today have lost their fight. How do you think this lack of fighting for survival will effect future generations? What if there was a solar flare and it knocked out our power and all technology was lost. Would our chidren or our childrens children have the tools to adapt to their new environment? Right now I would have to say no. Its truly a scary thought.
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